Wait in the main menu for 5 minutes without pressing anything."Too scared to start the game, huh? You paid $0.99 for this, bro. Stop chickening out and just play already!"

Witness a door opening on its own for the first time."Doors are opening by themselves in the house, but just you wait—the ceiling is going to collapse next!"

Successfully complete Day 3."We've just started, don't get scared and try to refund it already, bro."

Witness a physics object moving on its own."Gravity has officially resigned from this house."

Witness the radio turn on by itself and listen to that sorrowful tune."Would you look at that? Turns out our ghost is quite the fan of instrumental folk music, huh?"

Successfully reach Day 7."You're slowly becoming buddies with the paranormal activity in the house. Might as well go brew some tea."

Spot the ghost at the window for the first time."Sure, staring from out there is free. Why don't you come inside and help pay the bills?!"

Witness the TV turn on by itself."Well, we lost the TV to the ghost. I bet they're gonna put on a paranormal documentary."

Witness the moment when the ghost goes wild and hands start popping out all over the house."Chill out, bro! What are you, the many-armed Shiva or something? There are hands popping out from everywhere!"

Drop the meatball from the ceiling and control it with WASD."It broke free from the ceiling; it's a free wrap candidate now."

Exit through the open door as a meatball and get beamed up into the sky by a UFO."You're invited to the aliens' spicy meatball party."

Keep rolling and jumping around on the ground as a meatball (Troll Achievement)."The game is actually only 16 days long, but you think you've been moving and jumping around as a meatball all the way to Day 30. See the big picture, bro!"

Keep rolling and jumping around as a meatball for a long time (Grand Troll Achievement)."Day 50? Bro, you definitely left the game running in the background and went to grab some food. RIP."

Jump a total of 30 times as the meatball."Don't say a meatball can't fly—because it clearly can! Kneaded at jet speed!"

Jump for the first time as the meatball."One small step for a meatball, one spicy leap for mankind."